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- Wally at a job interview ( ... he was over-qualified ) "Its now time for the Wally report, a weekly status update. My income is 80% of industry average, Enthusiasm is at 63% of capacity and my Ego Shield is holding at 15%."
"Your enthusiasm is up from last week."
"Yeah, someone left the supply cupboard unlocked."
        - The Wally Report

"Its times like this I wish I were a psyhcopath."
        - Wally's reponse to more stupidity from the Marketing department

"Stupidity is like nuclear power; it can be used for good or evil."
        - Wally

"I'm in a battle of wills with a guy who lets all his calls rollover to voicemail. I do that too, so all day long we trade messages saying 'Call Me', and" then we ignore incoming calls."
      - Wally

"You know what I admire about you Alice? You obviously value performance over appearance."
"Thank you. Wait... if that was a compliment, why is my fist of death tingling."
        - Wally and Alice

"I'm about halfway finished with the online study class on sexual harassment."
"Wally, we don't have an online study course on sexual harassment."
"That would explain why all the actors seemed so happy."
        - Wally and the Pointy-Haired Boss

"I need a nickname to create the illusion of competence. I was thinking along the lines of 'The Wizard' or 'Info Guru'."
"I've never wanted to punch you more than at this very moment."
        - Wally and Dilbert

"From now on, my nickname will be 'The Wizard'. It speaks to my guru status."
"I think I'll call you 'The Lizard'. It speaks to your small brain and lack of ambition."

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