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"We'll start with an exercise about trust. I want each of you to sign blank checks and give them to me."
"What will this teach us about trust?"
"It will teach you that trust is an excellent quality for others to have." - Pointy Haired Boss, Dogbert & Dilbert "Your biggest asset is rampant ignorance. You would never start a project if you knew how much it would really cost. Employees stay here because they don't know there are better jobs across the street. Customers buy your products because they don't know about all the bugs. I recommend wearing trash cans on your heads to avoid accidental exposure to knowledge."
        - Dogbert, the trash-can-selling consultant

"There are two essential rules to management. One, the customer is always right; and two, they must be punished for their arrogance."
        - Dogbert

"Work is for losers. A winner says 'That's on my list' and never commits to a deadline."
        - Dogbert

"Do you ever feel guilty for scamming innocent people out of their money?"
"I only scam people who would do the same thing to me if they were smarter."
        - Dilbert and Dogbert

"The Dogbert method of eliminating guilt is simple. All of your problems are caused by invisible people named Juan and Cindy. All you have to do is find them and kill them."
        - Dogbert

"Welcome to Dogbert's School for the Socially Oblivious. Today I'll pair you with someone whose social defect will cancel out your own."
        - Dogbert, branching out

"Today I'll teach you to recognize when you're boring. This is called a yawn. When you see one, stop talking about yourself."
        - Dogbert, Social Obliviousness 101

"My recommendations are based on an analysis of accountablity. As a consultant, I'm not accountable to your stockholders. So I can recommend anything that amuses me."

"I like to con people. And I like to insult people. If you combine con & insult, you get consult!"

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