Previous| Next

"Time for your sneezing drill."
"Other people make it look so natural."
        - Dogbert and Dilbert (and early cartoon)

"You've been loving your animals and fighting each other. A civilized country should slaughter the animals and simply discriminate economically against each other."
        - Dilbert, spreading the message of civilization to Elbonia

"I'm addicted to email. My endorphins spike when I get a message. When there are no messages, loneliness and despair overcome me."
"Have you tried sending email to yourself?"
"We don't talk about that."
        - Dilbert and Dogbert

"My marketing plan involved giving free samples of our cruddy product to celebrity lookalikes. The fact that it worked caused a steep decline in my respect for the intelligence of people. In conclusion, there's a fine line between marketing and hating."
        - Dilbert

The Boss: "We've just been informed that our product's name means something bad in the elbonian language. It means 'the intense pleasure derived from giving yourself a wedgie."
What Everyone's Thinking: "I gotta try that."
        - The Greatest Prank Ever Perpetrated by Elbonia


"Businesses used to be like Christianity; if you were faithful and obedient, you could obtain bliss in the afterlife of retirement. Now its more of a reincarnation model. If a worker learns enough in his current job, he can progess to a higher level of employment elsewhere."

- Dogbert Dogbert : "I'm going back to my old job as a network systems administrator"
Dilbert : "Why?"
Dogbert : "I'm attracted by the potential for reckless abuse of power" - Hmmm.. pow-er "I have forgotten my password. I humbly beg for assistance."
"I have no time for boring administrative tasks, you fool! I'm too busy upgrading the network."
"You could have given me a new password in the time it took to belittle me."
"Yeah, but which option would give me job satisfaction?" - Dogbert the Sysadmin & Asok

Previous| Next

1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 19 20