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People enter the marketing profession after they realize that they have grown up without any particular skills.
        - Dogbert, "Understanding Marketing People"

Technical people respond to questions in three ways : It is technically impossible (meaning: I don't feel like doing it); It depends (meaning: abandon all hope of a useful answer); The data bits are flexed through a collectimizer which strips the flow-gate arrays into virtual message elements (meaning: I don't know).
        - Dogbert, "Understanding Technical People"

An optimist is simply a pessimist with no job experience.
        - Dogbert, "Pessimism and Job Experience"

Feedback is a business term which refers to the joy of criticizing other people's work. This is one of the few genuine pleasures of the job, and you should milk it for all it's worth.
        - Dogbert, "The Joy of Feedback"

The Intelligence Quotient of any meeting can be determined by starting with 100 and subtracting 5 points for each participant.
        - Dogbert's Group IQ Formula

Attending meetins is considered 'working', even if you don't do anything but sit there. Try to attend as many meetings as possible.
        - Dogbert, "Using Meetings to Avoid Work"

Weasal words are words that are true without being informative. They are useful in situations where a clear explanation would be embarrassing.
        - Dogbert, "Weasal Words"

Buzzwords are valuable for intimidating outsiders and making them think you're smarter than you really are. Corollary : People who sound smart are usually bluffing. You can uncover their bluffs by using simple interrogation.
        - Dogbert, "Nobody Knows Any More Than You Do"

The best way to avoid criticism is to establish a reputation for being irrational and beiligerent at the slightest excuse.
        - Dogbert, "Avoiding Criticism"

People don't ask questions to get answers - they ask questions to show how smart they are. Your best strategy is to say you'll get back to them but never do it.
        - Dogbert, "Handling Questions"

Big companies have procedures that make it nearly impossible to fire anybody. If you have no career ambition and no pride you can take great advantage of this situation.

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