DILBERT QUOTES - SITATER
People enter the marketing
profession after they realize that they have grown up without any particular
skills.
- Dogbert, "Understanding Marketing People"
Technical people respond
to questions in three ways : It is technically impossible (meaning: I don't
feel like doing it); It depends (meaning: abandon all hope of a useful
answer); The data bits are flexed through a collectimizer which strips
the flow-gate arrays into virtual message elements (meaning: I don't know).
- Dogbert, "Understanding Technical People"
An optimist is simply
a pessimist with no job experience.
- Dogbert, "Pessimism and Job Experience"
Feedback is a business
term which refers to the joy of criticizing other people's work. This is
one of the few genuine pleasures of the job, and you should milk it for
all it's worth.
- Dogbert, "The Joy of Feedback"
The Intelligence Quotient
of any meeting can be determined by starting with 100 and subtracting 5
points for each participant.
- Dogbert's Group IQ Formula
Attending meetins is
considered 'working', even if you don't do anything but sit there. Try
to attend as many meetings as possible.
- Dogbert, "Using Meetings to Avoid Work"
Weasal words are words
that are true without being informative. They are useful in situations
where a clear explanation would be embarrassing.
- Dogbert, "Weasal Words"
Buzzwords are valuable
for intimidating outsiders and making them think you're smarter than you
really are. Corollary : People who sound smart are usually bluffing. You
can uncover their bluffs by using simple interrogation.
- Dogbert, "Nobody Knows Any More Than You Do"
The best way to avoid
criticism is to establish a reputation for being irrational and beiligerent
at the slightest excuse.
- Dogbert, "Avoiding Criticism"
People don't ask questions
to get answers - they ask questions to show how smart they are. Your best
strategy is to say you'll get back to them but never do it.
- Dogbert, "Handling Questions"
Big companies have procedures that make it nearly impossible to fire anybody. If you have no career ambition and no pride you can take great advantage of this situation.