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Never answer a question unless you know exactly who is asking, why it is being asked, and what will be done with the information.
        - Dogbert, "The Answer depends on the Asker"

Inflated job titles in middle management allow those at the bottom of the company hierarchy to avoid truly demeaning titles. Corollary : What you do is not nearly as impressive as what your job titles implies you do.
        - Dogbert, "The Benefits of Title Inflation"

Even the most mundane business activities can sound glorious if you describe them in angry and violent terms. But remember to speak metaphorically, or it will sound sound silly : eg 'I've been putting out fires all day', or 'It's a bomb waiting to go off'.
        - Dogbert, "How to make you boring job sound dangerous"

Mondays are not part of the productive work week.
        - Dogbert's Theory of Mondays

As you suspected, all of your co-workers are fools. You must learn to pity and tolerate them.
        - Dogbert, "Suffering Fools"

The world is full of attractive people whom you will never meet. Your only hope for romance is to lower your standards until co-workers look good.
        - Dogbert, "Dating Co-Workers"

People who work in accounting departmets often work 12 hour days creating reports that nobody cares about. This gives them a very bad attitude. Do not attempt humor around them.
        - Dogbert, "Understanding Accounting People"

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