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- Catbert to Dilbert

"You're in H.R. now, it's ok to be evil."
        - Catbert educates Asok the Intern in the ways of Evil

"Lets offer employees unpaid vacation time, as long as their managers approve it." then we'll downsize any work group that uses it, because it proves they're overstaffed. Excuse me while I hug myself and purr."
        - Catbert, identifying non-essential staff

"I'm working 80 hours a week. I barely have time to bathe."
"Try using your tongue during meetings. It's like a bath and a loofah all in one."
"Or I could do less work?"
"That's crazy talk."
        - Alice and Catbert

"As part of my ongoing campaign against employee happiness, employees are not allowed to date each other."
        - Catbert


"Here we have a lab rat, specially designed to be susceptible to peer pressure. How about a Brewski?"
"I dont drink."
"All the cool rats drink beer."
"Of course there's more to Science than just hurting animals, but frankly its the part I like best."

- Scientist & Ratbert "A pessimist says the glass is half empty. An optimist says the glass is half full. And an engineer says its a good thing I put half of my water in a redundant glass." - Ratbert observes... "Its not a major sin, so you only go to heck." - Phil, the Prince Of Insufficient Light "Most problems go away if you just wait long enough, Asok. It might look like I'm standing motionless but I'm actively waiting for our problems to go away. I dont know why this works but it does."

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